How should I respond to extreme opening demands in negotiations?
The negotiation starts, and your counterpart immediately lobs extreme opening demands across the table. Shell-shocked, you can’t tell if your counterpart is being serious or not. We have all been there.
So, how should we respond to negotiators who lead with extreme opening demands?
Before we talk strategy, let’s understand the psychology behind extreme demands. Why do some negotiators lead with over-the-top, maximalist positions?
First, we must realise that these demands are rarely sincere. Extreme demands are designed to control the dynamics of a negotiation. The playbook these negotiators follow is simple:
1. They lead with a grossly inflated opening position and resist any initial challenges.
2. Once the other party has resigned to the fact that a good deal is out of reach, minor concessions are made, making the other party feel as though they got off lightly.
By inflating their initial positions, these negotiators bake in the ability to concede without really conceding. In other words, they tilt the playing field in their favour.
It is a bit like this: imagine going to a shop to buy an item that you know retails for $100 because you did your research before. You then find out that the item is on sale for $180 in the shop. After the initial shock, you are pleased that the shop is willing to discount the item to $120. You overpaid knowingly, but in comparison to $180, $120 is a good deal. You’re happy you got the item for $120.
This is the sort of psychology that negotiators who rely on extreme opening demands rely on. They start by distorting reality to make their preferred outcome look reasonable. The tactic works because most people are more willing to sign on the dotted line after they’ve scored a few points. Never mind whether those points were real or just bait — they feel like victories, and that’s what counts.
So, how should I respond?
Having examined why negotiators use extreme opening demands. We must recognise that extreme opening demands are a negotiation tactic. They may feel like provocations, they may feel disingenuous, but we must not let those feelings cloud our judgment.
Here is a playbook for how you can respond to extreme demands:
1. Call the Bluff
If the opening demand is unreasonable, treat it as such. Call it out. Be prepared to walk away. Those utilising extreme demands only respect strength. Either put forward your counteroffer or tell your counterpart to come back to you with a better offer. Whatever you do, you must clearly signal that the other party’s opening demand is a non-starter. Don’t allow their extreme demand to influence your counteroffer if you decide to counteroffer.
2. Rest the Playing Field
Do not negotiate from a tilted playing field. That means saying ‘no’ to unreasonable terms. Think of it like a tennis match – don’t agree to start the game if the other party is insisting that you play with a table tennis bat. You must first negotiate your way to a level playing field.
3. Play the Record on Repeat
Because those using extreme demands are often serial bluffers, don’t expect them to accept your first ‘no’. Expect them to ignore you. You must play the record on repeat. Repeat your position calmly and consistently. Repeat it until they realise you’re not bluffing.
4. Stay Aligned Internally
If you are negotiating as part of a team: if your team members are not on the same page, expect trouble. Negotiators making extreme demands will sniff out misalignment. If one team member sounds more flexible than another, they’ll exploit the gap. Make sure everyone is playing the same tune and sending the same message. Be mindful that you, as a team, are painting a picture for the other party. The picture you are painting is that the counterparty’s opening demands are a no-go.
5. Don’t Take It Personally
As alluded to above, extreme demands are a tactic. If you react emotionally, you’re playing their game. Remain detached. Separate the negotiation from the negotiator, and focus on the prize – a good deal.
Final Thoughts
As frustrating as such abrasive tactics may be, they’re on the rise. The world is increasingly getting used to high-stakes brinkmanship. So, the next time someone throws an extreme demand your way, don’t panic. Push back with composure and recognise the extreme demand for what it is – a tactic.