How to Deal with Hostile Negotiators

In this blog post, I explore common hostile behaviours in negotiations and practical strategies you can use to manage them without getting dragged into the mud.

Recognising Hostile Behaviours

Hostility in negotiation can take many forms. We’ve all experienced some of this bad behaviour before. Examples include:

• Pushy behaviour — relentless pressure to move on terms before you’re ready.

• Repetition of questions — asking the same question over and over to wear you down.

• Shouting — using volume to intimidate or control the room.

• Accusations — claiming you're being unreasonable, slow, incompetent, or careless.

• Interruptions — not allowing you to complete your points.

• Personal attacks or insults — shifting from the issue to you personally.

How to Respond

The good news is you don't need to meet hostility with hostility. Instead, you can use a series of simple, powerful responses to regain control of the conversation.

1. Silence

Start with silence. It is one of the most underrated tools in negotiation. When someone is pushy, patronising, or aggressive, a prolonged pause can be highly effective because it deflates the emotional energy in the room. Recognise that the aggressor typically wants emotional energy — they want a heated reaction. By denying them that, you sap their momentum. Silence makes them replay their own words. In the absence of a response, people often mentally review what they just said, which can make them uncomfortable and put pressure back on them to justify their behaviour. That’s why people often start apologising or qualifying their statements when they do not get a response. Silence also signals that you are not easily rattled.

Let the awkwardness settle on their side of the table. Often, the aggressor will self-correct just to break the uncomfortable silence.

2. Asking Them to Repeat

After a period of silence, calmly ask the other person to repeat themselves by saying something like:

• "Please repeat that?"

This simple move signals that you are attentive but not reactive. It forces the other person to hear themselves. Repeating a hostile comment feels awkward, which is why people will often soften their tone or attempt to downplay what was said if you ask them to repeat themselves.

3. Clarify Intentions

Another option is to calmly question their intention. After the initial silence, you could ask:

• "Help me understand — what are you aiming to achieve?"

• "What outcome are you hoping for by approaching it this way?"

By focusing on intent, you shift the negotiation back onto rational, solution-focused ground — and away from emotion and aggression.

4. Labelling the Behaviour

Sometimes, the best way to deal with repeated bad behaviour is to call it out professionally and without judgment. Using “I” statements and speaking in terms of what you feel is best, you might say something like:

• "It feels like you are trying to force your way."

Labelling shines a light on bad behaviour without escalating it. It often prompts the other party to self-correct, or at the very least, shows that you are aware of their tactics. It also demonstrates that you are not intimidated and that you know exactly what's happening.

5. Taking the High Ground

When accusations are thrown — "You're being unreasonable," "You're not managing this properly," "You've made mistakes" — the temptation is to defend yourself immediately. Instead, take the high ground by following this playbook:

1. Abstract to a higher level — see the bigger picture.

2. Acknowledge any mistakes that were made — without getting defensive.

3. Put mistakes into context — highlight the complexity and challenges involved.

4. State that lessons were learned.

5. Focus on the best path forward right now.

Doing this frames you as the adult in the room and leaves the aggressor looking like a crybaby if they continue with the accusatory behaviour.

For example, you might say:

• "It's a messy, difficult, and unpredictable process — mistakes happen. The important thing is that we've learned from them and have improved."

This approach keeps you calm, credible, and future-focused — exactly where you want to be.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with hostility in negotiation is a real test of professionalism and skill. Remember: you don’t have to mirror aggressive behaviour. Instead, use silence, ask them to repeat themselves, clarify intentions, label the behaviour, and take the high ground when faced with accusations.

After all, in the end, it’s not about winning the shouting match — it’s about winning the deal.